A RED-FACED HYPOTHISIS: WEIRD THEROY THAT MARS FACE FAITHFUL MIGHT ACTUALLY BELIEVE: FACE ON MARS BLAMED IN DIM-WITTED 'LEAVE OR DIE' WARNING TO EVACUATE MARTIAN FACIDIANS Was it really the "Face" talking? You bet your life it was! Why not? This story isn't any weirder than most of the "Face on Mars" whoppers circulating. Are you sitting down? Try this whale of a story on for size: Our Face on Mars was preaching doomday for the brainwashed Martians over 237 million years ago. Sound familiar? Recently, scientists, or guys that bought white coats from Wal-Mart that own magnifying glasses, and liking the sound of their own voices, have somehow got the idea that the Face, was a place of worship, and in a spoken God-like booming voice, actually instructed all inhabiting the red planet, to pack up and leave for the closest star system before their home planet exploded into a horrible firey mass of molten rustoleum. It worked. All the greenish, bug-eyed followers of the rock guy promptly packed their gerbils and ray-guns and got outta there. It must be noted that Jimmy Hoffa's wallet and a megaphone was recently found buried at the base of the so-called face, under the "chin," along with 200 empty cartons of Chesterfield Kings, a .45 calibur handgun, one Duncan yo-yo, and a sportsbook with the odds for the 1970 to 2002 Kentuky Derbys, along with a pair of one ladies black fishnet stockings ... size: tall. Go Jimmy.